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We can have intimate moments with people, we can share intimate pieces of information, but that doesn’t mean that we’re experiencing the intimacy that many of us actually desire in our relationships.This misunderstanding of intimacy is why many people wake up in relationships where they feel quite attached to somebody and feel as if they have “so much in common” but they’re hungry and either not going in the same direction or feeling an ever-growing void emerging. When we don’t truly understand what intimacy is, an imbalance will exist in the relationship because one person leads and one person takes their cues – the whole driver and passenger issue that permeates every unhealthy and struggling relationship.Think back to a past relationship with a Mr / Miss Unavailable: Maybe one of you talked about your problems or ideas more, and even played armchair psychologist.
In my own denomination, we are reaching non-Christians only half as effectively as we were 50 years ago (we measure membership to annual baptisms). We certainly see the pattern in the early church where “every day the Lord added to them those who were being saved” (Acts ).Maybe you also had trouble distinguishing between your respective feelings and behaviour.Maybe you could talk about work, politics, the environment, your intelligence levels, or text morning, noon and night.Having a “connection” and “so much in common” doesn’t cut it.These are not the same as truly knowing a person or being truly vulnerable and yourself within a relationship that has grown and fostered deep emotional intimacy.
“We have an amazing connection”, said so many people who are struggling to understand why they’re not experiencing deep, committed, loving, progressing, balanced, consistent relationships with the very people that they’re referring to. ”, said many a confused person who doesn’t share the common ground of the same perception and commitment to the relationship.